The Problem

Next, I want to continue by saying If you have suffered alienation, this is for you. Hunger, shelter problems, addiction, fear, mental chaos, death, illness, family problems, sin, pain, etc... this is to help anyone who cannot find peace in this messy world. Let me say, I have never been to war, nor have I lived as a refugee, but I think these principles are valuable in most cases (if not all). I hope to have some answers. I do have a special affinity for the mentally ill as an SPMI patient myself, but I believe any sincere seeker can receive beneficial energies out of this too, please stick around. (After having fought for my faith for a number of years, it has come down to this. I am not ashamed.)

The first step is to identify the problem, we are separated by our minds.  Maybe it’s human nature. Maybe it’s just us. Either way, we need help.  The problem is that the help we need largely doesn’t come from thinking about it. The mind is the problem, but what do we do? Let me explain my understanding of the mind as someone who has studied the ego for a number of years.

From an early age, we search for ourselves. From the first recognition of our name, to our likes, dislikes and aversions throughout our lives. We learn those first ideas about ourselves and we're already trapped. We have these identities that we construct for ourselves out of images we conjure about life. Everything from family history to wealth, or intelligence, to good looks, career or any other image we have in our minds about "my life." These thoughts about ourselves are imagined, delusions, because of two things: one, we are more than these specific features of life, and two, they are just surface "pictures," snapshots of a time when life was good. Maybe they're snapshots of a time when life was really bad, either way they become us because we don't know ourselves to start. All of our notions about ourselves and our place in the world only serve to separate us from each other, and it's only getting worse.

The mind is also structured in a self sustaining way. I mean, when it forms an idea about itself or how the world works, it is like fighting hell to get it to let go. We can call these preconceived notions “ego.” Sometimes (in most cases, really), ego has been working on us for many years or even decades. Let me give an example, when I was young, people in my family ate meat (they still do). I spent four decades eating meat most days. The problem is that I was always attracted to the stillness of the Buddhist way, so then, meat was out of the question, because Buddhists refrain, but I was formed so powerfully already. You can see the mental formation there. It's just "what you do." (I'm serious, have you carnivores ever tried to stop eating meat? It's difficult). In fact, I have been practicing Zen for nearly three years and I still struggle with meat eating more often than I should. I'm still working on that mental formation.

Our minds love to take idealistic positions too (no matter how damaging to the soul) and fight to sustain them through thick and thin. How much racism, sexism, unhealthy phobias, or just thought patterns that don’t serve us have survived for decades in our egos; our separate selves? The false self (ego) is not the way to liberation. We can't think our way out of this. Buddha called this "not-self," or anatman in Sanskrit. Jesus said we have to “die to ourselves.” ego is the source of so much human confusion, and leads to all sorts of evil. So, why do we identify with this fragmented self? Depending on how you've been formed, ego can be ravenous. People say they are beautiful or strong, smart or wise. That feeds the ego, but the ego doesn't care. The problem is that the ego is never satisfied. Ego just wants more money, prestige, privilege, looks, strength, prowess, the list goes on. Maybe the ego just wants to forget itself, you’ll sober up soon enough to thirst again, There’s no end to it. (I've known people on every color of this spectrum). Have we ever, even one time, seen our whole selves (our deepest self), or do we have to name a list of features of ourselves that we can be proud of, missing the core essence along the way?

I don’t know how we understand this ego except to list its faults. The ego can't live in the present moment. It always separates you from the moment, with worries about the future, or laments about the past. Work or family life (without enjoying it very much) is a worry that won’t go away. Striving to succeed or flourish, or to just survive, will cause a lot of people more struggle than many will understand. And all along the way the ego will “all stop” the human person from smelling the roses at the roadside of life. I know that sounds silly to some, but it really is the essence of living well. We can’t ignore the now our whole lives and wonder why life is always a drag. We have to give it some attention.

Separation from the moment, and the fierce identity we have in our mental positions cause a lot of damage to our wellbeing. Political positions, religious positions, cultural positions, anything that we hold dear that causes us strife in view of criticism, even our own criticism, is like a stone in the water that demands constant attention to keep it afloat. The Taoists call this identity, “contrary to the flow of Tao.” We can’t swim upstream our whole lives, carrying these mental positions, and wonder why we’re tired all the time. It’s obvious, we’re living in a way that identifies with the fragments of life, not the whole. We have no appreciation for smooth waters, because we barely know them. 

Our western individualism has done havoc to our minds, as well. Most of us spend half of our lives trying to define who we are, and the other half we spend defending those positions. Not to mention our escapism, most of the western world would fall completely apart if there was no alcohol to save us from our own miserable identities. I enjoy a drink too, but we have to be careful we don’t take it overboard. It is often a temporary cure for our identity crises. True, some people seem to have everything in all the proper boxes, all stacked nice and in order, but the people I'm writing to have challenges and traumas that could make many people weep, if they only knew, make no mistake about that.  What we need is an active plan to uproot the ego and dismiss it. It is the source of most of our suffering, because it reinforces separation and keeps us focused on the negative (watch yourself, negativity is probably your go-to philosophy with the world). It is formed deep in our psyche, this will take some time, but there is an answer.

Let me share a little about my past here. Early on, I was a rebellious teen who eventually grew into a rebellious adult. I was dealing with an increasing level of mental health problems that further pushed me into a rebellious world view. "If life is so brutal, why do I care to participate in a society that facilitates this kind of hell?" Of course, at the time I wasn't aware that I was sick. I assumed that the world was collectively rejecting me. I was acting out and sometimes dangerous, all the while forming a chaotic ego for myself. A lot of fear and anxiety became my almost constant state, and even after I had largely reformed my life, and received medical help, I still felt like an outsider. I was more obedient, but only a little bit happier, because those heavy stones of my conditioned identity were still holding me down. I had become a frequent church goer, I even gave money and prayed, desperately, but why was everything so hard. I used crass humor because it frequently got laughs, but life was still so empty.

There were a couple friends that introduced me to a philosophy that I had not expected, mindfulness and silence. The chief principle of stillness is that it requires you to slow down into the pace of the peace. It is quiet and still. It asks for nothing except your presence, it is the essence of living well. We don't give into the distractions of worry or regret. I know how tempting it can be. We need to find a way to practice this stillness every day. The Buddhists have been practicing this for millennia, the Hindus for even longer. There has been talk about a legitimate meditation practice in Christianity since the beginning, but the common practitioner is not very much aware of it anymore (the stories talk about Jesus retiring to “a quiet place”). All of this to say none of this is new-fangled, new-age stuff. This is tradition from as far back as mankind has been around. This stillness has called to us since the beginning, however many eons ago. It is simply received by a dedication to slowing down and living in the present moment. It takes practice, but I believe it's possible for any sincere adherent.